catching my breath

Is it really April already? I've sadly fallen into the evil spiral that starts by falling a little behind in updates and ends up turning into an endless black hole of life happenings that just gets avoided altogether. Now I'm left to pick up my mess and let you in on a glimpse of this past month... Oh how I envy those dedicated daily bloggers right now! But in reality, this month has been one of such change, growth, stretching, and pure reason to worship - and I SO want to share every second of it with you!

A while back us women had a bible study based on prayer. Not just any kind of prayer - but the true, faith stretching, utterly relying on the Lord, I really don't believe that this can happen, life-changing kind of prayer. Now, I'm pretty sure a group of recent college grads starting a completely new ministry in a poverty and violence stricken third world country where they don't really speak the language or understand the culture need a lot of faith. And it's true. Nothing about this year hasn't stretched our faith in substantial ways. But months in, I found myself needing more. My personal faith can seem so weak and my prayers so pitiful. I mean, we DO follow the very God who created this life we call our own. The God who's salvation is the hope of the world... Yet so often I'm content to pray selfishly. We challenged on another to ask what GOD wants us to be praying. Personally it was a breath of fresh air to remember how much God not only can do, but wants to do in my life. Confidently coming before him and asking him to do big things here and in my life is exhilarating and has given me a much needed perspective renewal and excitement for the future.
About that same time, I was listening to a Francis Chan sermon on humility (knowing I definitely needed some truth in that area of my life) and was completely challenged by Philippians 2:3 "...but in humility count others more significant than yourselves." He talked about how as Christians we so often forget that we're supposed to be like Jesus. Lofty shoes to fill... but a holy calling nonetheless. During the sermon Francis allotted time to simply come before the Lord in humility and meditate on his holiness. At once my heart was burdened to make this a daily habit. To start each day on my knees before my creator, giving it all up to him and learning how to be a servant - what it looks like to count others as more significant. The entire process was a great encouragement to myself and my team, and while I'm still learning to discipline myself in it, it has been a haven for my soul in times of desperation and chaos.

Ministry-wise we started holding a weekly bible study (co-ed) at 12pm on Thursdays. Manuel, a national staff, leads them and the STINTers take turns helping out. We've seen a few consistent faces but each week it seems to grow and interest has been abundantly expressed. Wednesdays we're continuing to hold English club as well and plan to start up a weekly meeting this month. All of these steps are huge for our team and just evidence of how the Lord is working in building this movement on Matias
One Saturday we spent some R&R time with Layo and Luchy at the beach. Layo gave us one of his famous inspirational speaches regarding his and Luchy's call to be missionaries in El Salvador and challenged us to think of doing the same. The week before we had all been praying about re-stinting as we had to report to the Regional offices what our future plans were. My plans are to return to the States at the end of June and start looking for work; really just staying open to wherever the Lord would have me and continue to seek his will for my life. The same is true for most everyone except Jeff and Brandon. Jeff is planning to re-stint for one more year and Brandon has accepted the position of being Layo's personal assistant for the next 2-3 years. Both are excited about their future ministries here and are completely supported by our team and the national staff. Praise God for raising up workers!!

Many of you probably heard about the Presidential elections in the news a couple weeks ago as well. Despite rumors of possibly violence and riots, the election was peaceful. Nonetheless, we hunkered down in our homes for the weekend for safety reasons and watched movies, played games and spent some quality time together as a team. The socialist/marxist party (FMLN) won the presidency for the first time since the opposing party (ARENA) came into office over 20 years ago at the end of the civil war. The party was formed by guerillas at the end of the war and hasn't held much swagger with the people until now when the country is itching, desperate really, for change. They don't come into power until June, so we'll only be here a month to see what happens - but we will definitely be praying for the future of this country.

About a week and half ago Marijke and Kristen took a day off of school to deal with some ongoing personal medical issues Marijke has been dealing with pretty intensely this year. That night we gathered as a team and listened as the two announced that Marijke would be going home for the remainder of the year to get the best medical attention. Less than 12 hours later we said goodbye and drove away from the airport in awe. I could probably write an entire book about our team in those moments and days after. The reality is that this year has brought us all closer than we could have ever imagined. Our circumstances have caused us to rely on one another, to be vulnerable and honest, to care and love for one another, to resolve conflict together, and learn to work as a team. We are a family - the body of Christ, and losing Marijke was like having a part of our body ripped away. We miss her dearly and pray for her all the time - but have also found so much encouragement through it as a team. We were forced to go to scripture and remember who the Lord is. More than ever we were reminded of God's good plan for us and complete sovereignty over this year. I feel like I say this a lot, but we gained such beautiful perspective in our role here, in our role in doing the Lords work and in God's faithfulness to each of us through it all. God met with us and is still healing many of our hearts, but through it all we are praising Him for His goodness and perfect plan.A few days later Trevor's family came, Brenna got engaged, and the SLO spring break team came for a week. All in all, this month has felt more like a year... Look for details about the Spring break week in my newsletter! I love you all and am sorry for the length of this. I would be so impressed in anyone who spent the time to read it all :) More updates coming soon and thank you for continued prayers and support!

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the team sporting our new "el pancho's es bueno" surf shop shirts - thanks joe and allison! this was the last day of midyear... a time of learning, challenge, renewed vision, and just plain fun. it was awesome because we all got to know one another better by just hangin out and having great conversations on the porches, by the pool, in the ocean...you know. Salvadorian style. This week was really good for me personally as I was challenged to share my faith more boldly with students - and to simply have more faith! It also brought some clarity as to why each of us have difficulties on our team... It took some soul searching, self-analyzation, and reality checks, but we came home and worked through our issues to feel more united and joyful about the next four months. (four months! 6 months done. how crazy is that?!) i realize this is a little out of order.. but i just really loved this time. and these pictures!

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week one highlights

Kristen and Beany being super excited to pass out Vida Estudiantil stuff the first week of campus!! wooot!
Students stopping by the table... we got a lot of contacts and had some awesome conversations
Our first event was a success! Free pizza lunch and raffle the first Friday of school - tons of students showed up for the food, music, and conversation. We were so encouraged by the turnout and amount of students that expressed interest in wanting to really get involved in the movement! Praise God for his faithfulness ...
Manning the table
We're going on week three now, but the first week was such an awesome way for us to reach out to students, promote our group, get our name out there, and make new friends. Our Spanish improved tons that week just because we were talking to so many students about the ministry. In general, students are Christian and/or Catholic. We really don't hear many other answers. Some students blow us off, some pretend like they don't care, some just stare at us - but there are many students who we've had a chance to get to know better over these past few days and are starting to form relationships with. The Lord is definitely raising up students to help launch this movement on Matias and keep it going after we leave. 4 1/2 months to go... and we are SO excited for all that God has already done!!! Thank you so much for your prayers and support all! God is working here in mighty ways... I love and miss you!!

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meet Lupe

we met in costa azul one afternoon as i was tromping around the grounds taking pictures... i turned around to see her curiously watching me from a safe distance. i said hello, asked her name, age... all the normal easy beginner spanish sentences, and she instantly started talking.

she introduced me to polly - the neighbor's parakeet, then pancho, her own families parakeet.. and then mentioned the sunset. so we headed to the beach for a stroll on the sand and she told me all about her favorite animals, how the sea snakes in the bay are dangerous, sharks in the distance and even a story of a girl that drowned at the beach. sounds a little morbid, but she lives a hard life and still finds room to marvel at God's creation.

at 9 years old, the girl easily told me about her life, her school, her family... i understood probably 75-80% of what she was saying. everytime we hang out with some locals, i'm reminded of how much i love kids. they're so simple and straight forward. they give you perspective you could never get from someone your own age. they just want to have fun! so... thanks lupito! te quiero mucho chica y espero que nos vemos pronto!

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desire for the abundant

The question seems to be plaguing me these days... what is my desire? Does anything in my life align with it? What did I just live these 24 hours for... or rather, who?

I'm painfully aware of how selfish my desire really is - that it is oftentimes so far from being an abundance of the Lord. Not that I'm desiring material things; I simply compare, count my losses, and try to avoid the lonely bout with self-pity...scheming ways I can be more the person I would love and sometimes long to be.

I'm forced to count my blessings. My team, my job, my provision, my 'circle', the list always goes on...leaving me humbled and on my knees with hands lifted. And so God clears the clouds: Just because I'm not able to check the next life goal off my list right now doesn't mean my life is falling apart. It means I'm living it. Not prophetic, I know. But to come to grips with simply being on a journey - that I am in a so called "in-between" stage of life can be life-altering. It changes my perspective. It leaves me at peace. God doesn't call any of us to be in a place of having it all figured out and under control. I can honestly say that's one of my favorite things about following Christ - being able to rest in the truth that God's got it under control. I have my responsibilities yes, praise God, but I'm not the boss. I'm the one in a spot to minute by minute be desperately depending on the one who knows infinitely more and has a (really much more creative) greater plan than I could ever come up with for my life.

In reality, the questions and the worry, the doubts, fears ... and the life goals will just keep on coming. You check them off and rid yourself of them only to stumble upon the next beast around the closest corner. And living for that - that will leave you confused, frustrated, and plainly bitter. I am called to live in abundance! To trust Him with every crack and crevice. We're not a people meant to be lost... And to truly live like that - how could you keep it to yourself? We're to live the abundant life and bring others along for the ride.

I'll still question, of course. I'll always want to know more, to check off just one more thing from my "life list," it's how God made me. But if I can switch that innate desire to have it all figured out, the constant pressing to arrive at the next big thing - and turn that into desire to simply know God's truths, his promises, his goodness - to just REST in those - what a joyfully abundant life I could live! I would be free to enjoy today for what it is, to live for knowing God more - and desiring Him more.

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ramblings

as I stress about stupid things like not being caught up on Lost and what job I'll have when I get back to the states - all things that I'm looking to the world to fulfill, or can so easily rely on myself and the plans that I don't even have... wanting to know my future or simply have control of my life -I'm blatantly aware of my weaknesses, and strongly reminded of what I read in Kings today. In chapter 9 God pretty much threatens to destroy Israel if they don't follow his commandments - His own people! It struck me that just as God didn't need the Israelites, He doesn't need them... God doesn't NEED me.
BUT, I need God. I need him more than anything this world could ever have to offer...and I was challenged to ask myself if my life reflected that truth - do I live my life in a way that reveals I am desperately dependent upon the God of creation? Or do I still try to do it on my own. And do I really take sin in my life seriously? I think I've come to a point where sin is natural. It's such a part of who I am; it's expected. And it makes me like everyone else. The humans around me sin, so I will too... my view of holiness has totally been distorted! But - God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, I praise Him for that. And I praise Him that He's revealing the junk in my heart.
And ever encouraging verse made it's way onto my journal pages this afternoon: "my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:0
anywho... that didn't come out how I'd imagined. I hope it makes sense. This is a pretty late rambling. I was reminiscing earlier about Costa Rica though and decided to post more pictures. The best ones are on F.book. But here's a couple more from the National Park we visited one day.

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backpacks and blessings

Last Tuesday our team of 9 (Chepe was in the states - he just got back this morning super early) had the opportunity to serve a small rural community in the barios of El Salvador, Victoria. Layo's uncle, Adonai, is involved in organizing community service events with various members from his church and asked our team if we would be willing to join them for a day of handing out 'mochillas' - backpacks - filled with school supplies to kids at 4 different schools. Our team has been wanting to participate in some kind of community outreach, so we jumped at the chance to serve and see a different part of the country.

Our day started at about 5:30am when we met a small group of adults at a nearby church in Escalon and started the looong trek to Victoria. The city is in the boonies and took us about 2 hours to get to. The group treated us to a tipico Salvadoranian breakfast (eggs, bread, beans, fried platanos con crema, queso fresca, y chocolate). With enough food in us to get us through 2 days of work, we headed to the first school where a younger guy with a tiny red backpack and waterbottle perfomed a short skit that captivated the kids and even scored some laughs... It was a bit hard to hear and all in Spanish, so I can't give an accurate description, but it seemed a better fit than any skit we were thinking of doing.

Okay - back up a step - Adonai called Kristen the night before and asked if we could come up with some kind of skit for the kids to do tomorrow... we had all dispersed for the night and so told him we'd figure something out...probably in the car. So we talked about ideas and came to the conclusion that the easiest one for us to do would be one Kristen thought of... only problem was, all she remembered was there was a chair that said "no tocar" in it. (don't touch). But after we saw this guy do his thing with the kids, we figured we were golden and not going to need to throw something together.

wrong. of course. so myself and brandon had the performance of our lives with a chair, a cardboard sign that said "no tocar" and Brandon toting a "Jesucristo" nametag. I mean, I'm not one to boast, but I thought it was a pretty compelling performance. Sadly, the kids just did not know what to do with us. Or the skit. Guess skits aren't the Salvadoranian way, but we tried our best given a ten minute warning and lots of confused faces.

The best part of course was being with the kids. I don't know how those little guys capture your heart so quickly and just make you want to spend your whole day just loving on them...We didn't stay long at each school as all of them were pretty far from each other, but Brandon and I did get to teach some english on the fly at one classroom. That was after one of the cars ran out of gas and we went on ahead down a dry riverbed.. Brandon is great with winging it, and I'm always willing to go with the flow - so we ended up jumping and waving flags and running around together. Poor kids probably thought we were insane.

Victoria is a pretty impoverished city. A lack of natural resources makes for some dry land and very little opportunity to make a living. The kids were quite malnourished and our hearts broke when 5 year old sized frames told us they were 9. Nevertheless, they were beautiful and smiles broke out right and left as we handed out the backpacks. We're hoping to stay in touch with Adonai to get involved in other community service activities, and possibly invite students from Matias to any future events.

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